Fear Not

Oh hi! Some of you might be surprised as to why it seems like I’ve been active with my SNS lately. Well, let’s say something went wrong with my work and with that, I’ve been applying to various companies this week. Suffice to say, I feel like I’m in a roller-coaster of mixed emotions as of the moment. I’m trying to keep myself composed and positive as much as possible. Pulling off my best actress mask as much as I can. Although truth be told, it’s draining and tiring like zany. 😦 But what I always do is trust on God’s will and plan for my life.

Because I was so weak and frail back in the days when I was a rebel who just do whatever she felt like doing. And I’m pretty sure if I stayed that way today, I bet I already commited suicide. Growing up, with everything that I’ve been through in life, I can say that I changed in a way I don’t expect myself to be. With God as my refuge and secure fortress, together with what I learned from the hefty amount of pain, failures and rejection I’ve encountered in the past, I can say that I’m absolutely not the same as what I am before. I may not say that I’ve able to overcome my insecurities that the past has caused me but I can say, I’m stronger and wiser now. Not letting life’s big rocks stoop me down just like that.

I believe and proclaim that God would make a way for me to be hired with the best company and job wherein I would build a long-term career and would help me grow as a person. And later on, be able to pursue and fulfill my dreams and goals in life. For this look, it was taken at the National Museum a couple of weeks ago when I had a date with my brother-photographer. Wanting to channel that girl who finds comfort in art and being that girl of mysteries look, here’s what I wore:

Skirt & Shoes from H&M | Leggings from Claire’s

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Sober

Annyeong haseyo~ Chal ji ni? *eyes blinking cutely* (Hello! How are you?) Why in the world am I greeting you guys in formal Korean greeting then suddenly put on aegyo right after? Well, to be honest, I’m being the best actress I usually do whenever I opt to hide what I really feel on the inside. And I never thought some people are actually deceived by it. Truth be told, if I were to ask how am I doing and what do I feel about myself, I’ll candidly tell you that I’m definitely not fine at all and I totally don’t feel good about myself.

I’m under excessive pressure since last week due to the final straw of the training I’m currently on at the office where I’m working. We have to hit 8.8 by the end of last week and I’m like the weakest link among our group. I tried calming myself down but I kept on feeling worst than ever about myself as most of them already on the 8.8 goal, some even exceeded it already and I can’t keep up. I was even told that I look relaxed when in fact, I kept on stuttering and even palpitating so many times each day. I went back to my zany fixation for milk tea just to lessen the hefty amount of stress and distress I’m being in but I guess, it’s still not enough to compensate everything. Of course, no one wants to be imprisoned with the I’m-trying-my-best-everytime-but-still-I’m-not-good-enough feeling, right? Especially, myself who already encountered too much rejection and turndowns in life in the past. Bullying, been taken for granted by the people I love, getting misjudged.. name it.

So pardon my melancholic feels with this particular look today. I guess you really cannot conceal everything all the time. Today’s color palette shows the fine line between not feeling good about myself and being able to move forward despite the fact that it’s either they will send me back to training or I should say hello to job hunting shenanigans at this early time. So help me, God!

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Show Me Your Ways

Annyeong! It’s like a couple of weeks since I updated this blog of mine and I really did notice that I’m starting to be like less active on all my accounts in SNS compared to how I usually do before back when I was a student like some of you are. I also realized recently that it seems like I don’t have the time to go out & chill anymore as much as I did before I started working. It’s been a see-saw-in-the-playground for me. I miss my carefree schedule before when I have all the time in the world to go to whatever place I wish to go to and eat wherever my tummy tells me to go zany with. But then, on the contrary, I also love the fulfillment I get every payday and I get to earn money by myself and being able to buy things that I want with my own money and treat my family is like eating a whole ice cream cake or Mr. Pizza’s Eggta all by myself. (Now, I’m hungry! Oh no!).

Suffice to say, whenever I get to go out during my rest days is like a trip to South Korea for me. (Well, almost.. can someone fulfill my Kpop fangirl dream now? Aigoo!~ *aegyo voice on*) Seriously speaking, I’ve been planning to go on an ultimate cheat day, splurging on eating on our guilty pleasure with my brother. And go on a museum visit and invade an unli shabu shabu on one day, as well. Which we are by the the end of this week. *twinkling eyes*

As for the look I pulled off on this particular look, I opt for a balance plate of my Kpop antics, and fixation for dark colors without being too androgynous. Which is why Hello Kitty decided to drop by. It’s always been a fact for me clinging into edgy staples and pieces which sheds light into my Kpop fangirl side. But then, I always make it a point to dab my finger on the feminine side of me from time to time to balance everything.

Hello Kitty tee, Skirt, Stockings & Shoes all from H&M

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Poison

Oh hi! It’s been a while since I had all the time in the world wherein I could like roll around social media and do anything I want under the sun. I’m err.. a bit complaining. But just wholeheartedly though, since the reason behind it was my working schedule which is predominantly opposing to my normal body clock. And I’m still pretty much in the adjusting period so please bear with me.

As much as I want to be like the unstoppable and brave girl I want to be in order for me to like excel on everything I do which will be the bridge for me, going after what I wanna be in the future, well.. there was this huge wall hindering me. I know I have to like mature, move forward and shrug off all the insecurities that the past had caused me. But there are things that tend to make me feel so little of myself. Sometimes I can’t decipher what was happening to me, really.

One of those is the (I’m not sure if I’m being selfless or stupid) fact that I tend to forgive those people who actually leave me behind like a toy he’s already sick of and thus, finds another one to play with. I know this is like so 2013! And deja vu even came into the picture. I just had my biggest heartbreak then came another one who just throw everything behind. I’m honestly sick of this disposition I’m in. What makes things worst is the fact that I feel like I’m always either the riff-off version of someone or the under rated in a certain group I’m with.

I always force myself to believe in myself and I swear, I really want to leave everything that belongs to the past, seriously. What’s hard is when deja vu kicks in and you kept on meeting people of the same kind you met in the past. Or worst, // than before! That’s why whenever mind and heart wants to take their dispute into the boxing ring, even how hard it is, don’t go where your heart is pulling you but you know deep inside you that it will sooner or later, hurt you in the long run. Go to the path where you think it’s right for you to be in.

Don’t commit the same mistake. That’s what the past 2 years have taught me to keep in mind. And maybe, we just have to accept that some people are just not meant to be with you even how much you love them to the point of holding on to your promise to each other that you will always have each other when everything’s gone and that you will be better together. My gosh, Dig by Incubus, please stop playing on and on into my head! 😦

To keep things clean, I opted to wear basic but of course, to keep things not too mundane, I incorporated my DIY denim detachable collar into my outfit for the day. In time for the this season’s fixation for denim!

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Baguio | Day 3

Okay, here we go again with my late posts. I’m really, sincerely, immensely, totally, certainly, exceedingly, absolutely, completely sorry. As some of you may know that I’m currently in the process of transitioning from being a student for so many years into being soon to be yuppie. Time flies so fast, eh?

Anyway, let’s proceed with our day 3 in Benguet, Baguio City which I insanely want so bad for someone to take me back there – NOW! The weather here in the PH is driving me nuts. It’s like the moment you step out of the house, sweat will start to say hello right away.

Waking up at 4am in the morning, we skipped breakfast (Uh, not really!) and went straight to the renowned and overhyped Sitio La Presa as seen on ABS CBN’s Forevermore, which is originally Mount Cabuyao and since we know for a fact that it’s much colder there than the rest of Baguio, we came to a decision to wear winter-like clothes. As we are on our way there, before the insanely breezy cold feels shed light on us, our eyes witnessed these sights.

As we get near La Presa, it’s getting colder and we forgot to bring scarf and gloves to lessen the chills we’re getting. For we honestly didn’t expect it would be that incredibly cold. My brother even wore shorts! Good thing, my aunt brought extra. When we reached La Presa halfway, we wanted to have the experience of walking all the way there and embrace the chills we’re getting and so we did. What we didn’t see coming was the muddy road due to the rainy weather last night. So it somehow lessen the purportedly fun of the walk we took.

We went to the actual location of Forevermore in Sitio La Presa and I had the chance to sit on the lover’s bench of Xander and Agnes. (the two main characters of the said telenovela) Then we walked around further and saw the location where Agnes’ family at La Presa plants as farmers.

Everyone’s Got Something

Ohayu gozaimasu! How are you guys doing? Sorry for being inactive for the past couple of weeks. Well, I must say that things are really shifting and change is taking place in alost all facets of my life. My graduation was held last Friday at PICC Plenary Hall (Stay tuned for my blog post about that big day I had this week!) and I already start the ball rolling with regards to job hunting online such as at Job Street and JobsDB.

It felt like it all came so fast and next thing I know, the girl who just read the newspaper and head straight to the entertainment section and nothing else turned to a graduating student who never want to waste time after finishing college with that, looks forward to job fairs and go directly to the classified ads in the newspaper.
Just to be candid, I used to be the happy-go-lucky type who doesn’t take life too seriously. I was the unmotivated one and everything was all fun and games to me. Before.

In just a snap, I became the hungry for success type. The one who aims to find a job (a stable one, hopefully!) right after college. Maybe it’s all because of my insecurities that made me to a person I’m today. To all those people who belittled and underestimated me that’s pushing me to do better and attain the success I’m yearning for.
In order for me to prove all those people wrong for not believing in me and which later on made me not to believe in myself as well. For my insecurities to vanish into thin air and when the wind comes swirling back to me, all of it would turn into confidence and the heart that has been torn would finally meet its sunshine.

As for this look, it was what I wore during our second day in Baguio last month. Yes, last month. I know my day 2 & 3 travel diary was immensely overdue. And please forgive me for being late on posting it due to my preparation for graduation and stuff. And I sincerely promise that I would be posting the Baguio | Day 2 tomorrow. Back to the actual look, this came a bit of a surprise to me. Since I originally planned of pairing my oversized checkered shirt dress with my black skater skirt instead of my violet-marsala skirt. Due to my comfort-over-style rule, I decided to wear the marsala one then. Because there would never be an excuse with conforming to what you think will look lovely on the outside but deep inside you, you’re not genuinely comfortable on what you’re wearing, right?

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More photos of this look on tomorrow’s day 2 of my Baguio travel diary. Stay tuned!

Baguio | Day 1

As promised, I’m gonna dole out the lowdown of the highlights of our Baguio 3-day vacation last week. What I will do is convene the events per day. So this blog post would convey our first day in Baguio.

On our way there, waking up super early, I really thought I would be sticking my nose on my pillow and sleep. But then, with Paula on my side, I only managed to nap almost an hour and what I did on the whole trip was these:

As we plan as to what place are we staying, my mom said that her former peer in Qatar Airways owns a vacation house at Baguio but since she won’t be able to come with us, we decided to stay at /Baguio Holiday Villa./ My cousins by the way (Paula and Renz), Tito Rene, Tita Grace, my aunt (Tita Lulu) who we usually go out with and my brother are my companions on this particular trip.

Break Free

Annyeong! Okay okay, I know it’s been (almost) a couple of weeks since I should’ve posted my recent look post. And my apologies for the said matter. It’s just that these past few weeks have been the peak of our stressful requirements and activities since I’m in my final year on college (with God’s grace and mercy!!). With that, I can’t find enough time to post this one. Especially our final exams is coming up in two weeks and we’re like drowning with the stress due to some of our professors bombarding us with school works.

Not to mention my state right now. As some of you remember from my prior posts that I found out that I’ve been suffering from depression. And at this point in time, after reading various articles (from the net, newspaper & even listening unexpectedly in the radio), I’m pretty much puzzled as to what type of depression I’ve been tangled into way before. And I’ve been having thoughts of going into consultation perhaps, if time and ample courage permits me.
With regards with my look atm, well, I can’t seem to hold myself away from my excessive adornment with florals. ‪#‎SorryNotSorry‬ right there. Teehee!

There are really those times where we just don’t care if what we wear is in trend or not, what matters to us is our personal preference. Though I’m not saying that floral is out of trend or whatsoever, okay? My point is, we shouldn’t force or perhaps, sacrifice our own style preference just for us to be able to follow today’s trend. Got my point?

Flower Crown from Jellybean | Floral vest from Forever 21 | Shoes and skirt from SM Dept Store

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Something Real than Sabotage

Yeoboseyo! I’m back! Apparently, I was gone for about a month and so. Say goodbye to clingy hiatus and let’s supervene and make this silly mind working! I must say, with the more than a month hiatus I’ve been made me inspired and aspire to do well in my blogging stretch.

In the past few months, I’ve realized how much “cover ups” I have in life. To be blunt, I’m pretty much of a brisky, super hyper, happy person kind of person whenever I interact with the people I encounter each day of my life. But what most people don’t ascertain is what’s inside of me. Pretending everything’s on its perfect place but the truth is it’s like everything inside of me was falling apart. But as what the cliche sets forth is that even if life throws you 100 reasons to crumble and give up, you should still choose to smile and still find one reason not to give up. After all, we’re never and will never be alone! For we have a God who will never ever leave us nor forsake us.

But then, on the contrary, sometimes, when you fight for something/someone you love and you want to be in your life forever because it/they tend to make your heart alive and your life more worthwile but after all the effort and time you exerted for it/that person wasn’t doing any good to you.You felt like it’s more like you’re finding for something you taught was real but seems like it’s not worth it anymore, let go and let God handle it for you. As what /Shai Lagarde/ puts it,

Likewise, I decided to make a lovechild of my edgy and girly side convene (with this look) that innates that even if I face struggles and rejection in life, even how hard it may be, I would never ever give up. After all, falling down is a part of life. Getting back up is living it. Furthermore, here it is!

Camo jacket from brother’s closet | LBD from Korean Rose | Flower crown from Jellybean | Ribbon cuff from H&M | Watch from Swatch

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Something That Were Not

Oops! Before the fun filled family gathering! 🙂

3 weeks ago (and so), the first ever rock band of our church, MT Kross (Empty Cross) held their engage concert in our church itself.

At 3pm, we went to Max’s Quezon Avenue to attend my aunt’s son’s birthday. And so, we all had a wonderful time eating, took photos with my relatives & cousins, merrily bonded with each other and such.

Moreover, here are several ones of the gazillion photos we took:

And of course, since fashion has been evidently part of my life, and outspokenly, my life wouldn’t be the same without it, I made a Demi Lovato-inspired look with so much pleasure. Well, I bet multifarious of you are not aware of my lovatic-self, isn’t it? Here’s ze proof, fellow warriors! I paired my shirt dress with sneakers and incorporated my floral cover up with it (/same here/). Here we go again with my floral fresco-self! Tee hee!

(Sorry if it’s outfocus! Tee hee! Blame my bro photographer!)

Floral cover up from Diamond, Pink shirt dress from Human

Watch from Swatch, Ribbon cuff from H&M, Sneakers from Converse

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xx