Fear Not


Oh hello busy bees! I’m pretty sure everyone is preoccupied with what happened in the last day of the year 2016 yesterday which most probably consists of preparing ourselves with media noche and pondering over our New Year’s resolution/s. So I decided to shed light on my cozy sweater weather mood by bringing out one of my lil’ bulky but comfy sweater and dance my way to comfort by pairing it with my denim shorts and trustee Nike Airforce 1 kicks. With regard to new year shenanigans, rather than a resolution, what I have is goals for 2017.
1. Constantly prayed that I would be able to be employed before 2016 ends. After months of going on job fairs, applying online  and etc, I was blessed to have one. Since I admit that I didn’t able to give my 100% best on my previous one, I promised God that I will give my utmost effort to do better this time with His grace and mercy, I believe I can do it.

2. Funny and cliche as it seem but I aspire to lose weight on 2017 by resisting the temptation of going zany over food most of the time and eating just a half cup of rice for the whole day. Not sure if I’ll go to the gym once or twice a week or I’ll just buy treadmill or elliptical bike and use it indoors. I love food but if I won’t do this now, when?

3. Went through a lot this year and it made me realize how much I need God in my life and how it pays to have a closer relationship with Him. So I’m aiming to be able to attend the Wired service in our church which is for professionals that I should have attended before. I’m also praying that God would lead me to the rightful ministry that He intends me to be in and be able to grow and be active there.

4. I have various things that I need to save money for. I admit I tend to be impulsive at times. And this coming 2017, I need to discipline myself not to be blinded in dwelling on too much luxuries but instead,keep in mind the things I’m ought to save for.

Overall, I’m hoping and been praying that 2017 will be a year of growth for me – career, spiritual, personal etc. May God give us the enough wisdom, strength, courage, motivation and favor for us to reach our goals in 2017. Fear not! – He is the Lord of all miracles, of hope and of peace. He is our superhero!

Backtrack

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I get the feeling that some people think that being fashionable is some kind of gene mutuation – and it’s either you have it or you don’t, as if the talent for pairing flared trousers with platform heels and a peasant style, pussy-bow blouse is inborn. I perceive fashion from a different point of view, I seized upon a fitting metaphor: fashion is a language.

If so, then that means people will speak it with different degrees of fluency. Some of us are fluent than others that’s why they don’t just follow trends, they make ’em. Some of us do follow trends but make sure to rock it in a way that others can’t. So if you’ve always wanted to play fashion, you should fathom that it’s something that can be learned, something you can excel at if you put in the requisite time and effort.

With that, as 2016 approaches, I decided to post all those looks I didn’t have the ample time to convene in the blog last year. Pardon, the working girl, eh? And I must say, I used my black skater skirt and knee high socks way too much last year. Well of course, take note of the black hair I used to have before! The marks of backlogs? Oops, my bad! πŸ˜›

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I think I still have few backlogs left on the pc so I guess I’ll just follow those up in between blog posts, yes?

Spoilers, anyone? For one of the two look posts that I will post next week is actually a backlog, as well. It’s back in the days when I haven’t put red streaks on my hair. (although it’s not much of a striking one, but I’m planning to soon!) Stay tuned, lovelies!

Sober

Annyeong haseyo~ Chal ji ni? *eyes blinking cutely* (Hello! How are you?) Why in the world am I greeting you guys in formal Korean greeting then suddenly put on aegyo right after? Well, to be honest, I’m being the best actress I usually do whenever I opt to hide what I really feel on the inside. And I never thought some people are actually deceived by it. Truth be told, if I were to ask how am I doing and what do I feel about myself, I’ll candidly tell you that I’m definitely not fine at all and I totally don’t feel good about myself.

I’m under excessive pressure since last week due to the final straw of the training I’m currently on at the office where I’m working. We have to hit 8.8 by the end of last week and I’m like the weakest link among our group. I tried calming myself down but I kept on feeling worst than ever about myself as most of them already on the 8.8 goal, some even exceeded it already and I can’t keep up. I was even told that I look relaxed when in fact, I kept on stuttering and even palpitating so many times each day. I went back to my zany fixation for milk tea just to lessen the hefty amount of stress and distress I’m being in but I guess, it’s still not enough to compensate everything. Of course, no one wants to be imprisoned with the I’m-trying-my-best-everytime-but-still-I’m-not-good-enough feeling, right? Especially, myself who already encountered too much rejection and turndowns in life in the past. Bullying, been taken for granted by the people I love, getting misjudged.. name it.

So pardon my melancholic feels with this particular look today. I guess you really cannot conceal everything all the time. Today’s color palette shows the fine line between not feeling good about myself and being able to move forward despite the fact that it’s either they will send me back to training or I should say hello to job hunting shenanigans at this early time. So help me, God!

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Poison

Oh hi! It’s been a while since I had all the time in the world wherein I could like roll around social media and do anything I want under the sun. I’m err.. a bit complaining. But just wholeheartedly though, since the reason behind it was my working schedule which is predominantly opposing to my normal body clock. And I’m still pretty much in the adjusting period so please bear with me.

As much as I want to be like the unstoppable and brave girl I want to be in order for me to like excel on everything I do which will be the bridge for me, going after what I wanna be in the future, well.. there was this huge wall hindering me. I know I have to like mature, move forward and shrug off all the insecurities that the past had caused me. But there are things that tend to make me feel so little of myself. Sometimes I can’t decipher what was happening to me, really.

One of those is the (I’m not sure if I’m being selfless or stupid) fact that I tend to forgive those people who actually leave me behind like a toy he’s already sick of and thus, finds another one to play with. I know this is like so 2013! And deja vu even came into the picture. I just had my biggest heartbreak then came another one who just throw everything behind. I’m honestly sick of this disposition I’m in. What makes things worst is the fact that I feel like I’m always either the riff-off version of someone or the under rated in a certain group I’m with.

I always force myself to believe in myself and I swear, I really want to leave everything that belongs to the past, seriously. What’s hard is when deja vu kicks in and you kept on meeting people of the same kind you met in the past. Or worst, // than before! That’s why whenever mind and heart wants to take their dispute into the boxing ring, even how hard it is, don’t go where your heart is pulling you but you know deep inside you that it will sooner or later, hurt you in the long run. Go to the path where you think it’s right for you to be in.

Don’t commit the same mistake. That’s what the past 2 years have taught me to keep in mind. And maybe, we just have to accept that some people are just not meant to be with you even how much you love them to the point of holding on to your promise to each other that you will always have each other when everything’s gone and that you will be better together. My gosh, Dig by Incubus, please stop playing on and on into my head! 😦

To keep things clean, I opted to wear basic but of course, to keep things not too mundane, I incorporated my DIY denim detachable collar into my outfit for the day. In time for the this season’s fixation for denim!

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Bright

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Annyeong! How are you all doing? I really made sure that I get to post this week since I already started working and it’s only during the weekends that I would get to rest, chill and etc. But then, of course, if you love something (or someone.. err.. *covers face*), you would really make time for it no matter how busy you can be, right? Otherwise, it’s an indication that it’s either, it’s not your priority or you just don’t love it that much. How double meaning can that get? Uh, whatever!

Speaking of priorities, I know I’ve already avowed in one of my previous posts as to what are my goals and plans of partaking in the future. But then, as I convened my thoughts these past few days, I decipher what I really want to pursue in life. Although, truth be told, it’s not just one, not just two, but three! Fashion which is immensely obvious where my heart is. It’s either I would take various short courses at Fashion Institute of the Philippines in Ortigas, take Fashion Design & Merchandising at De La Salle – College of Saint Benilde which is I think is a 4-year course or take a 1 year or 4 year Fashion Design & Marketing course at School of Fashion & The Arts (Although it’s far from our house) which I’m planning to take next year, perhaps. Whatever my final choice of course & school I may be.

Another is Dance which I started being fixated with since I was a kid. Although I want to take a preliminary workshop first before taking a formal course if ever I’ll push it through. Why? I stopped dancing for about 4 or 5 years already due to my asthma which I was healed from for a long time. I guess I just didn’t push myself too much to it these days. And I would not deny that among the three, dance is my least priority of pursuing. I don’t know why. Maybe I would pursue it if I still can after 4 or 5 years?

Last but my number one priority of them all, Law. I never been on the top of the class in my elementary and high school days. I was the happy-go-lucky-rebellious-type back then. Not until, to my surprise, when we started having law subjects back in my last two years in college, I was blessed to be in the top 1-3 consistently. I must say that I didn’t strive hard just because of the joy of being recognized as one of the top law students in class but it’s predominantly because law has captured my heart and I felt pure bliss in studying it. Having said that, it was a firm decision of mine to pursue law after 2 or 3 years at either UP, San Beda or UST.

Above all these, I want to go after my own dreams with my own money. My parents can pay for my tuition etc, yes. But I think it’s far more fulfilling if you get to go after your life goals and dreams with your hard-earned money, right? It’s like you prove those people who don’t believe in you wrong. As for my case, I can prove those bullies (with many ‘S’, BULLIESSSS!) who made me think twice (even thrice and so) to believe in myself that I may be some kind of dirt to them before but I can smile to them from ear to ear in the near future and prove them wrong of wasting their precious time on belittling me.

As to my look for today, I took the risk of wearing a floral maxi dress which I don’t usually wear yet in a normal setting. But since I’m currently working now and I’m no longer a student, I decided to pull off a bit mature look than what I usually do. Of course, with my fixation on florals saying hello.. again.

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Leather jacket from Next | Boots from SAX | Bowler hat from H&M

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Change Your Ticket

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Hello there! I will admit, truth be told, I intended to post this a bit earlier than today. But well, let’s say I’m still coping up with the changes that’s taking place in my life right now. It really fascinates me how things can change so fast in a very short period of time. I’m pretty sure most of you will understand me when I say some people don’t really ascertain yet how vital it is to really be picky as to whom they will meddle themselves with. (Which to be candid, I realized how important it is, just recently) I’m not saying you have to be that super untouchable one who just involve themselves with the people that have the same social status as they are and such. What I’m saying is that there’s nothing permanent in this world. Change is inevitable.

So you have to know who you really can depend on. Who’s worth it and who’s not. And you don’t have to be in a relationship just because most of the people around you are in it. It’s not like fashion that some people feel like they have to compromise with it. Although in my opinion, in fashion, it’s not like if it’s on trend, you are obliged to comply with it. What if it doesn’t fit you? After all, you are what you wear.

Same thing goes with relationships, my friends. It’s not like when you have those butterflies in your tummy doesn’t mean he/she is meant for you. Most of the time, you have to consider much more important things than kilig. When things get much deeper, the much significant question there is, is he/she someone you really deserve? Why would you waste time on someone you’re not certain of or on someone you can’t imagine yourself with in the future, right?

Just like what I’ve read in a couple of articles that I’ve read lately about not settling for someone/something less than great. And with someone you don’t deserve. If someone doesn’t treat us how we deserve, we shouldn’t accept their behavior just because it’s what we think we deserve. WE DON’T HAVE TO SETTLE. After all, why would we settle for loneliness? Because it’s a state of mind and it’s not some void to be filled up by someone else. Nobody has the right to infect us with negativity and doubt. There will come a point in life when we’ll get tired of having to prove ourselves and we’ll get sick of fixing things.

It’s not giving up or quitting; it’s realizing we deserve more. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with putting ourselves first, for once. The sooner we do that, the better. People will become strangers and distant memories. But we don’t have to feel guilty of removing toxic people from our lives. Not everyone you lose is a loss.

Proceeding with this particular look, this is what I wore when we went to Mount Cabuyao, popularly known as Sitio La Presa in the recently concluded famous teleserye, Forevermore. It was insanely foggy and cold there than the rest of Baguio and thus, I opted to wear winter-like structured clothes rather than with the thinner ones. Truth be told, I still feel the chills despite of wearing these clothes. And I still remained with my lazy dressing-kpop preference way of clothing on the pieces I wore.

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Baguio | Day 2

Sorry for being late on posting this. I know I should have posted this a couple of days ago. Due to numerous job interviews I attended, I wasn’t able to post it in due time.

Anyway, let me start off with our day 2 in Baguio. We instigated our day having our breakfast at Cafe By The Ruins which we bluntly discovered from the movie, That Thing Called Tadhana. More details soon on my #BaguioEats post so you better keep your lines open, yes?

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Break Free

Annyeong! Okay okay, I know it’s been (almost) a couple of weeks since I should’ve posted my recent look post. And my apologies for the said matter. It’s just that these past few weeks have been the peak of our stressful requirements and activities since I’m in my final year on college (with God’s grace and mercy!!). With that, I can’t find enough time to post this one. Especially our final exams is coming up in two weeks and we’re like drowning with the stress due to some of our professors bombarding us with school works.

Not to mention my state right now. As some of you remember from my prior posts that I found out that I’ve been suffering from depression. And at this point in time, after reading various articles (from the net, newspaper & even listening unexpectedly in the radio), I’m pretty much puzzled as to what type of depression I’ve been tangled into way before. And I’ve been having thoughts of going into consultation perhaps, if time and ample courage permits me.
With regards with my look atm, well, I can’t seem to hold myself away from my excessive adornment with florals. β€ͺ#β€ŽSorryNotSorry‬ right there. Teehee!

There are really those times where we just don’t care if what we wear is in trend or not, what matters to us is our personal preference. Though I’m not saying that floral is out of trend or whatsoever, okay? My point is, we shouldn’t force or perhaps, sacrifice our own style preference just for us to be able to follow today’s trend. Got my point?

Flower Crown from Jellybean | Floral vest from Forever 21 | Shoes and skirt from SM Dept Store

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Ain’t Nobody

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Oh hey! How are you? As for me, well, it’s our final period which equates to numerous defense for our thesis, feasibility study and the like. In short, stress! What makes it heavier than ever is my state is getting worst. My clinical depression in particular. I felt like I’m tired of loving. Scratch that. It’s like I’m sick of being stuck in the same conundrum. Loving without being loved back.

It has been said that time heals all wounds. I don’t agree for the wounds remain. In time, the mind protecting its sanity covers them and the pain lessens. Sometimes, in order for us not to get hurt further, we have to set aside the why’s. There’s a lot of questions but you don’t get to fathom all the answers. Perhaps, in time, everything will be alright. Everyone is a fool when they’re in love. We defy all the logical things in the world.

Furthermore, what I’ve learned from it was if you’re meant to be with someone, it will happen. You can’t force love. Even if your first love becomes unrequited, you should move on. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Maybe someone better is meant for you. Someone who will always be there and will never ever give up on you whatever life renders you. Someone who would never hurt you intentionally and would never ever replace you with another.

Someone who will never takes pleasure in messing with your feelings and plays with it like some random toy from a toy store and throws it at the floor when they’re fed up with you. Someone who’s brave and man enough to prove to you how much you mean to them. Whatever it takes. Maybe mine was caught in a traffic. Or maybe not? Only God knows. We will meet in God’s time. *winks*

Okay the lovesick commotion ends here. Sorry if I always have those frequently here in le blog nowadays. Due to my tedious state and my fixation for indie and love drunk songs atm, dark pieces never gets old in my clothes. It’s more of a staple for me. As what they say, the clothes you wear reflects what you are and what you feel inside that you don’t get to express lightheartedly for the fear of getting misjudged.

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Floral Cover up from Diamond | Bow Headband from Forever 21 | Black Bow cuff from H&M

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In The Shallows

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Hazy afternoon, lovely people! Okay, yes. I know it’s been a month (well, almost!) since the last time I posted. Sorry, I really do. Midterms started last Saturday and we’ve been busy with not just one but two thesis! And my state is getting worst than ever.

Well, everyone of us have our share of self hate. That “not good enough” feeling. As for me, (I’ve mentioned this multiple times before) since I’ve encountered excessive bullying and rejection before (and up to this day) and many people that I hold dearly left me million times before, it makes me feel little every time it haunts me and the pain lingers like an endless conundrum I can’t seem to ascertain how to escape of.

At present, for the nth time, I spent and wasted too much time, effort, tears and feelings with someone who just abruptly toyed with my feelings. And there’s a terrifying part when you love a person too much. For the moment you fall for them, you fall for them with your whole entirety. It’s like every single fiber of you wants nothing but that guy/girl that it hurts.

The problem with me is that I fondly get attach with people easily, in general. And with that, I always give them all of me. Which people takes advantage of and takes for granted most of the time. What made it worst is that I have this one friend that suddenly disappeared into thin air. She’s like the one who comforted me before whenever the guy who toyed with my feelings get in the way with my emotions.

She somehow lessen the pain and made me feel I’m not alone. And one day, she constantly ignored all my messages to her on Facebook. I did think hard of all the probable reasons why she acted that way and led her to throw our friendship just like that. But I’m 100% sure that I did nothing wrong to her. WHAT’S WRONG PEOPLE?

With all the rejection, heartbreaks, pain and people who left me crying to sleep, I recently found out that I’ve been suffering from clinical depression. I read an article on the newspaper with regards to the difference between normal sadness and clinical depression and its symptoms.

And I conducted a little research on it and confirmed that I’ve been suffering from the latter. Thereafter, I realized that perhaps that’s one of the reasons I’ve been listening to sad songs than before lately. And I just make myself preoccupied with my love for fashion such as this. The wonders of mixing details together! Denim with frills, tutu skirt and printed polo rolled into one.

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Black Bow Head dress and Pink Tutu skirt both from Forever 21, Polo from Mango, Camo shoes from SM Dept. Store

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