Up and Down

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Hello there! Here I am keeping up with the unplanned hiatus that was concluded just a week ago. And these days, I can say that for some substantial reason, I feel like I have too many dreams in life.

Having said that, I convened with a question: Is it okay to have too many goals in life? Ang dame kong gustong malearn and ipursue! I don’t why. I know I have to trust God’s plan in my life that I don’t suppose to get my life figured out yet since I’m just 22 years old but..but.. I really sincerely seriously don’t know!

Maybe I just want to make sure I won’t end up as a person who just stays at home all day everyday without goals at all in life or aspirations in order for him/her to be a better version of himself/herself. Yes, I think that’s it. As of now, I’m planning to take up Fashion Marketing/Merchandising at SoFA DesignΒ  Institute Β or Fashion Institute of the Philippines next year and if time allows me to do so, I want to take either drum and/or voice lessons at Center for Pop OR wake up my former skills in dancing at ACTS with my own money, of course.

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Yes Girl

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Hello lovely earthlings! Recently went back to the office from a two-weeks leave due to health reasons. I’ve been taking medications like what I’ve disclosed on my recent blog post and I also went back to my doctor a couple of times (latest was yesterday) and I just opt to rake off 3 valuable lessons that he told me to bear in mind that everyone else can do so as well.

1. Never compare yourself to people – especially to someone who’s lacking same as what you do. To those you look up to, you can use them as an inspiration to do better.

2.Don’t set your hopes too high and expect yourself to reach your goals right away. Great things take time.

3. Don’t dwell on the past anymore because it will just hinder you from growing and it won’t take you anywhere.

And for today’s look, to cinch that waist of mine that went bigger as my love for food grew bigger as well, I opt to wear a long outerwear to look slim paired with denim shorts to achieve the denim on denim trend which I’m fond of nowadays.

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No Way

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Annyeong! My deep apologies for being in a unintentional hiatus for the past few months. I must say I’ve been very depressed nowadays. Well if some of you has already read or follow the streaks of blog posts I had for the past 3 years, you would know I’ve been with this formidable condition. Which is why I decided to go on a hiatus because rather than elucidating my rigorous condition, I chose to remain silent and curbed. I’m currently looking for getting myself diagnosed by a psychiatrist or whatnot. I felt like it’s already being reflected on my work in the office. I guess this is what you get from disregarding the fact that I need to consult a doctor way back just because my mom said it’s all in the head although I know that she doesn’t have a concrete idea on what I’ve been through/going through.

After a few years of keeping it to myself, I decided to let it out and thus, I already told them everything. That’s when I started to take medications. Moving forward, I don’t want to let anything and anyone hinder my growth and go out and pursue my dreams. No way, honey!

I’m planning to take either fashion styling or a makeup course next year since I know for a fact that even if I’ve been in the blogging industry for quite some time but I’m still up for huge improvement.

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Don’t Matter

Oh hello! Many things happened in the past month and thank God I got regularized from my recent work. Although I’m still in the midst of improvement and I still commit mistakes a million times. Which opened my eyes to the realization that you really can’t fathom if the friend/s you’re with is real or not not until you see how they treat you in times of failure and despair. If they still treat you the same way they do when need something from you, then you’re blessed to have them in your life because they’re real.

Suffice to say that it’s hard for me to pinpoint as to who I consider as my bestfriend nowadays. Had some whom I’ve been very close for quite sometime but ended up as either just one of my acquaintances or worst, some even grew distant due to some irrelevant reason of theirs. Have people who I became friends from the start (or so I thought, sadly..) but next thing I know, they tend to be absurdly bipolar being too kind to me at times then will turn to my number one hater in just a snap.

Sometimes I just don’t know who to trust. That’s why I tend to create a wall between me and some people (to my crush, even, would you believe??!). It’s like I’m too afraid to open myself to them due to the fear of getting attached to them too much and might end up getting hurt and left alone again. I guess you really can’t force yourself to be part of someone’s life if they intentionally not let you be part of it.

3 Ways: Love in The Dark

Annyeong! Sorry for being inactive for a week or so. Been to diverse events since my favorite cousins is in town so I got preoccupied by their much awaited summer vacay. And so my tummy! My cheeks looks like a pair of burger buns right now, for crying out loud!

Aside from this, I’ve been to a rollercoaster of negativity with the couple of weeks of hiatus I’ve been to. Had a complicated issue with my wavemate in expense of defending a friend late last month and the feeling of not having the freedom and happiness that people of my age deserves to have due to having over-strict parents went up last week until now.

And it’s hitting me so deep. The fact that the only person you really can depend on is yourself. Which is immensely hard for me to take in. Someone who went through a lot of rejection in diverse sorts all throughout the years. Someone who’s been yearning for one thing all this time. To be loved as much as the love that she gives to everyone who she loves. To get the love that she deserves.

And I must admit it’s hard to push yourself to do best in everything when you feel like no one bothers to understand and be at your side at times like these. Because they don’t know and fathom how painful and heavy everything that you’ve been through/going through. And it’s agitating and heart wrenching to take in the fact that you don’t know what to do anymore but to pretend that everything’s okay and you always have to try hard to hold back those tears not to pour all over your face and force a smile – well, a fake one, all the time.

So help me, God. – Matthew 21:22*

To keep myself sane, I went through my closet and declare a rade on what pieces I can incorporate with my black knit see through top with faux leather short sleeves. And I opt to dole out short description on each conveying diverse sides of me in real life.

Chill Pill

When I’m on those days in which I’m not in the mood to dress up, I go for casual, toned down and laid back look. Comfort over style, well.. sometimes.

Plunge on Grunge

I’ve always or let’s say for so many years, I fell over heels with color black. Whether I’m in the mood to dress up or not. Especially nowadays. I’m not fond of wearing too much neon colors. Like when I’m wearing one piece of striking color, I keep the rest of the pieces muted.

The Kpop fangirl
Been a cray cray fangirl since early 2010. I can say that the my kpop fangirl side took over and has influenced my style on about 60-80% or more. But of course, I still keep up with the cons of thr tropical and excessively hot country I’m in.

Canvas

A month from now marks the first anniversary since I graduated from college. From then on, I can say that many things has changed. Some people turned out to be a waste of time, some things shed light upon the goals I have to focus myself on in order for me to be the place where I want to be in and be someone I’m aspiring myself to be.

After I got hired from two companies I didn’t get to stay for long, upon getting endorsed to operations recently, (Finally, thank you Lord!!) I convened to a realization to a firm goal.

Since this is a huge blessing for me, I have to everything I can for me to make the most out of this. I have to make sure that this time, I would be stable and further hone my capabilities. Not just be satisfied with what I am right now and always aim higher than what I already attained. There’s nothing you can’t acquire when you go for it, against all odds.


 

All I Ask

Had earnest second thoughts of posting something like this. But I guess it’s insanely hard to keep it all to yourself. To set your expectations, this post contains my straightforward feelings so I want to say sorry in advance to y’all coz I may sound dramatic to those who cannot relate to this.

Upon graduating college last year, I had that burning desire and perseverance to find a job right away. It’s like I can’t handle seeing myself wasting time not to do anything for me to grow and flourish in a way that I’ll be a step closer to be someone I want myself to be. Having said that, I’ve been to heaps of online job applications, interviews, job fairs and whatnot. Couple of months of blood, sweat and tears after, I was able to land a job which I failed to pass the training as well as with the succeeding company I’ve been to. I must say that it’s been a very rough road for me since then. Instead of giving up and letting myself be a failure all the way, losing my job twice in just one year, I chose to trust on God’s love for me since for the record, He’s the ONLY ONE who never left my side no matter what happens.

Felt relieved and grateful when finally, I get to pass the training on the recent company I’m in right now. But sadly, I felt like no single person is happy for me. Or rather, they don’t bother asking how I was doing. My parents in specific. The people whom supposed to be insanely concerned and looking after my welfare. But since it always been like that and I felt like I can’t do anything about it, I left without a choice but to just disregard as it would open up too much negativity and insecurities.

What made all these burst out my chest is when my dad with all insensitivity told me that I’m too selfish blah blah. Even avowed it’s better for me not to have a job so I would get to stay at home all day. Not knowing how hard it is for me not to give up despite everything I went through.

All my life, I’ve been locked out with excessive restrictions. You can’t do this, you can’t do that. Now that I’m 22 and I’m working, don’t I have the right to have fun even just a bit? My mom even said if you want, you can go ahead and rent a condo. Which leads me to a decision to save money for it and gather all the courage to live independently. Imagine, hearing something like: “Will you stop crying? I’ll punch you!” straight from your dad??? Suffice to say that from this day on, I will do whatever it takes to be a better version of myself which will help me to get ready for the day that I’ll get to rent a condo and live my life the way a normal person of my age should be. Without those harsh restrictions despite my age and those remarks that makes me feel so little and incapable of attaining success someday.

Stone Cold

Hello there! Okay, since I’ve been inactive for like three weeks, I’m trying to make it up to you guys. Aside from being insanely busy these days, I often find myself uninspired and weary. Suffice to say that I can’t fathom how to convene my thoughts that I want to dole out.

Especially that the so-called Valentine’s Day that most people fuss about this month had past and as always, I’m… uhh… oh yes. No time for playing games here. I’ve always been alone. I don’t mean to shed light in the past (that I never want to go back ever) and I’m not rushing things, either.

It’s just that after all those conundrum that I went through, I believe that I don’t deserve to be in this kind of situation anymore – feeling so little and whatnot. I’ve been too harsh rejection and been taken for granted too many times.

That’s why even if to be honest, I already began liking someone again nowadays, (I bet every girl’s heart would swoon on his stellar voice & stunning smile.. uhm.. yeah?) I admit that it doesn’t feel good most of the time. You know that feeling of being scared to get hurt and be left alone again? It sucks.

So it left me with a intent reminder to myself that after all I’ve been through, now that I’m 22, I should use my brain and stick to what’s right and what I truly deserve rather than clinging to what my heart wants but will set forth pain and harm to me afterwards. So I bow to wait for Mr. Right (please come quickly!!) and never settle for anything less than I deserve. It’s time to grow up, girl! Maturity, take over me!

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Breathe In, Breathe Out

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Annyeong! Yes, I know I’ve been inactive for the past few weeks. It’s like whenever I reached home at around 6pm from work and well, roaming around somewhere, I always feel my eyes is set up on auto blink every 5 seconds around 7:30pm. Oops!

But well, I’m not complaining. But yes, I’m guilty… never mind. It’s the second month of 2016 that most people consider as the friggin love month which I never get to devour and be zany of since then.

As I tried to convene and shed light of what happened on the past year, (which I admit is definitely not a joke and one hell of a conundrum for me) I promised myself things that’s obviously not that easy for me to comply with but it’s for my own sake. Or should I say, for my heart’s sake.

I’ve been with diverse sorts of rejection and that feeling of being taken advantage for too many times. In lieu of the cliche, “Don’t repeat the same mistake.” which I have to strongly follow, I promised myself that I would never pour too much on someone who haven’t prove its worth to me. I would never ever dare doing the first step on a guy I like ever again. If it’s meant to be, it will find its way.

It’s not bitter, it’s knowing what you truly deserve and clinging to what’s better and not just grabbing what’s in front of you without making use of your friggin brain. It’s about time I think of myself first before someone else’s sake. I tend to cross the bridge for someone who won’t even lift a finger just to give smile on my face.

It’s not that I’m being selfish but it’s just that I already became too selfless on people who don’t even deserve it multiple times.

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