Annyeong haseyo~ Chal ji ni? *eyes blinking cutely* (Hello! How are you?) Why in the world am I greeting you guys in formal Korean greeting then suddenly put on aegyo right after? Well, to be honest, I’m being the best actress I usually do whenever I opt to hide what I really feel on the inside. And I never thought some people are actually deceived by it. Truth be told, if I were to ask how am I doing and what do I feel about myself, I’ll candidly tell you that I’m definitely not fine at all and I totally don’t feel good about myself.
I’m under excessive pressure since last week due to the final straw of the training I’m currently on at the office where I’m working. We have to hit 8.8 by the end of last week and I’m like the weakest link among our group. I tried calming myself down but I kept on feeling worst than ever about myself as most of them already on the 8.8 goal, some even exceeded it already and I can’t keep up. I was even told that I look relaxed when in fact, I kept on stuttering and even palpitating so many times each day. I went back to my zany fixation for milk tea just to lessen the hefty amount of stress and distress I’m being in but I guess, it’s still not enough to compensate everything. Of course, no one wants to be imprisoned with the I’m-trying-my-best-everytime-but-still-I’m-not-good-enough feeling, right? Especially, myself who already encountered too much rejection and turndowns in life in the past. Bullying, been taken for granted by the people I love, getting misjudged.. name it.
So pardon my melancholic feels with this particular look today. I guess you really cannot conceal everything all the time. Today’s color palette shows the fine line between not feeling good about myself and being able to move forward despite the fact that it’s either they will send me back to training or I should say hello to job hunting shenanigans at this early time. So help me, God!