All I Ask

Had earnest second thoughts of posting something like this. But I guess it’s insanely hard to keep it all to yourself. To set your expectations, this post contains my straightforward feelings so I want to say sorry in advance to y’all coz I may sound dramatic to those who cannot relate to this.

Upon graduating college last year, I had that burning desire and perseverance to find a job right away. It’s like I can’t handle seeing myself wasting time not to do anything for me to grow and flourish in a way that I’ll be a step closer to be someone I want myself to be. Having said that, I’ve been to heaps of online job applications, interviews, job fairs and whatnot. Couple of months of blood, sweat and tears after, I was able to land a job which I failed to pass the training as well as with the succeeding company I’ve been to. I must say that it’s been a very rough road for me since then. Instead of giving up and letting myself be a failure all the way, losing my job twice in just one year, I chose to trust on God’s love for me since for the record, He’s the ONLY ONE who never left my side no matter what happens.

Felt relieved and grateful when finally, I get to pass the training on the recent company I’m in right now. But sadly, I felt like no single person is happy for me. Or rather, they don’t bother asking how I was doing. My parents in specific. The people whom supposed to be insanely concerned and looking after my welfare. But since it always been like that and I felt like I can’t do anything about it, I left without a choice but to just disregard as it would open up too much negativity and insecurities.

What made all these burst out my chest is when my dad with all insensitivity told me that I’m too selfish blah blah. Even avowed it’s better for me not to have a job so I would get to stay at home all day. Not knowing how hard it is for me not to give up despite everything I went through.

All my life, I’ve been locked out with excessive restrictions. You can’t do this, you can’t do that. Now that I’m 22 and I’m working, don’t I have the right to have fun even just a bit? My mom even said if you want, you can go ahead and rent a condo. Which leads me to a decision to save money for it and gather all the courage to live independently. Imagine, hearing something like: “Will you stop crying? I’ll punch you!” straight from your dad??? Suffice to say that from this day on, I will do whatever it takes to be a better version of myself which will help me to get ready for the day that I’ll get to rent a condo and live my life the way a normal person of my age should be. Without those harsh restrictions despite my age and those remarks that makes me feel so little and incapable of attaining success someday.

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