In The Shallows

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Hazy afternoon, lovely people! Okay, yes. I know it’s been a month (well, almost!) since the last time I posted. Sorry, I really do. Midterms started last Saturday and we’ve been busy with not just one but two thesis! And my state is getting worst than ever.

Well, everyone of us have our share of self hate. That “not good enough” feeling. As for me, (I’ve mentioned this multiple times before) since I’ve encountered excessive bullying and rejection before (and up to this day) and many people that I hold dearly left me million times before, it makes me feel little every time it haunts me and the pain lingers like an endless conundrum I can’t seem to ascertain how to escape of.

At present, for the nth time, I spent and wasted too much time, effort, tears and feelings with someone who just abruptly toyed with my feelings. And there’s a terrifying part when you love a person too much. For the moment you fall for them, you fall for them with your whole entirety. It’s like every single fiber of you wants nothing but that guy/girl that it hurts.

The problem with me is that I fondly get attach with people easily, in general. And with that, I always give them all of me. Which people takes advantage of and takes for granted most of the time. What made it worst is that I have this one friend that suddenly disappeared into thin air. She’s like the one who comforted me before whenever the guy who toyed with my feelings get in the way with my emotions.

She somehow lessen the pain and made me feel I’m not alone. And one day, she constantly ignored all my messages to her on Facebook. I did think hard of all the probable reasons why she acted that way and led her to throw our friendship just like that. But I’m 100% sure that I did nothing wrong to her. WHAT’S WRONG PEOPLE?

With all the rejection, heartbreaks, pain and people who left me crying to sleep, I recently found out that I’ve been suffering from clinical depression. I read an article on the newspaper with regards to the difference between normal sadness and clinical depression and its symptoms.

And I conducted a little research on it and confirmed that I’ve been suffering from the latter. Thereafter, I realized that perhaps that’s one of the reasons I’ve been listening to sad songs than before lately. And I just make myself preoccupied with my love for fashion such as this. The wonders of mixing details together! Denim with frills, tutu skirt and printed polo rolled into one.

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Black Bow Head dress and Pink Tutu skirt both from Forever 21, Polo from Mango, Camo shoes from SM Dept. Store

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