3 Weeks Absence! :(

Due to my 3 weeks absence, here’s what happened: (Hoping for your patience as you read this!)

September 25

Oh boy! I’ve done something wrong that made this day a major train wreck. Ugh! 😐 I know some of you might raise your eyebrow and think why am I sharing this to you, eh? It’s just that I’ve consider this blog of mine, my outlet of emotions wherein I will squeeze out and utter my feelings and what I have to sayΒ riotouslyΒ on diverse sorts of things.

For that, ready your eyes and here’s the thing. I, along with my friends in school, went on one of our friend’s house. I should be home at least, before 7pm because our last class ends at 5:30pm. But I got home at 8pm already! And yes, I know I should have ask for my mother’s consent first. But she told me a week ago that she don;t wanna see me going around asking for her permission for me to go to a particular place from time to time. And so I hesitated and didn’t able to ask for her consent. Likewise, when I got home, she was exceedingly mad and worried about me. At first, I lied at her but then her instincts came alive and caught me. And in that case, I told her the truth and she and my forever agitated dad got exasperated at me.

It’s undeniably NOT my intention to make them disappointed again at me and disobey them or something. I know this is not my first time to do this to them. I admit, it’s my fault! I shouldn’t have repeat this mistake. I made them worried that’s why they got frustrated at me. I’m very sorry for that. 😦 But what made things worst was when she told me that she’s grounding me for accessing my ever’beloved blog, lookbook, facebook and twitter account until this current semester ends. It means I can’t do what I genuinely LOVE doing.

Blogging and fashion is my life. Although, I’m not yet excelling enough at it. But as what they say, there’s always room for improvement, isn’t? The moment my mom told me that punishment, I was like: NOOOOOOO!!! </3 It’s like unplugging me to the world. It’s like pushing me and falling down from a very lofty and colossal building! One of my wildest dream is to become one of the most notable and well-known fashion blogger someday!

All I do is to strive harder to attain high grades and regain their trust. And most of all, hold on and trust our Most High.

September 26

Today is the day after the fun-day-turned-out-to-be-a-mess-day. And after crying myself to sleep last night, my very odd and uneasy feeling have gone worst! I haven’t mention that another penance that my mom have given me is that starting today, even if it’s a badger and agitation for me to go on back and forth, i would eat my lunch at my lola’s crib. Although, it’s not that far from our school, but then, it’s candidly energy draining for me and time consuming, as well. And another vilest thing about it was I wouldn’t be able to spend my time with my friends at school.

And what broke my heart and made me even more devastated is that they’re (my friends) not that bothered and perturbed about it. As what I observed a while ago, it’s not like a big deal for them! </3 In fact, when I told them about what happened yesterday, their frequent reaction and worry is that they might get blamed by my parents and they might be in trouble, as well! I was like enormously disappointed to them, imagine, their only concern is themselves. Like srsly??!?! It’s like they don’t care about me at all! 😦

In view of that fact, I realized that up to now, I don’t have REAL friends that loves me and cares for me the same way I do with them! Soeone who would be there for me at all times. Since I was a kid, aside from /excessive bullying/, this matter is what made my self-esteem fall down under. I tend to give everything that I can offer to my friends. It’s like I’m a lame dog who kept on following them almost everywhere they go. But most of them fondly take me for granted. Therefore, up to this day, I often find it hard to believe in myself. There are times tht I just pretend that I’m confident just for others not to think that I’m very much an attention seeker or whatsoever. Because I bet they wouldn’t understand why I’m acting in a certain way that I have a low self esteem. Oh boy!!

xx

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